Red Cedar
More apocalypse, less angst
dilemmas
to run, or not to run. to have a child or not. to move forward on a plan with friends to live together? my placid life of bureaucratic mumbling along has suddenly come to an abrupt halt and predictability has been replaced with precariousness…. okay well maybe not precariousness (though it has a nice alliterative quality), but definitely some uncertainty has tripped up my even step.
the question du jour is about running for a more senior position in my regional union council recently available in a by-election. yesterday was the closing for nominations, and in a fit of panic over some of those already declared (along with some nudging from another person), i threw in a last-minute form and bio to stand for the office. the position itself isn’t anything too taxing, but should our regional leader (the regional executive vice-president) run up to another position in ottawa, then i would be default end up in her role, which would mean pushing my timeline on having a child back, a change of residence, and a change in my career path.
and if i think about it realistically, that is probably too much of a departure from where i actually want to be in my life right now – but i’m still torn, and i’m not sure why that nags at me so much. a close friend who has only a marginal vested interest in the situation offered that i am probably not ready for the position either personally or politicallly, which i was able to hear and not feel judged by mostly because it sounded true to me…. i’m probably not ready to commit to a lifestyle of politics over my career or a possible family right now, and i’m definitely not politically savvy enough to navigate the position i may end up in by default.
if only i could know the future!
having said this, of course, brings on the realization there is one set of choices i can make which will leave the future open in a way that makes it easier to have a child, keep my career and possibly live communally with my friends – and another set which will put it all off for at least two years if not much longer (like forever, it’s the kind of decision that would take me in a different direction altogether). what i mostly have to remember is because i am young, and have lots of working/union years left, i also have lots of time to push the political career into overdrive if that is something i choose down the road.
talk about privileged navel-gazing! how can i have it all and have it all too?
dilemma resolved.
One Comment on “dilemmas”
Leave a comment
Red Cedar 
Well done. 🙂
Sometimes, it requires writing it all down to see the picture emerge. As someone who has passed up at least a half-dozen career opportunities in as many years, I can say that you won’t regret choosing in favor of family (whatever your definition of that may be).
As you say, there are some paths that cannot be taken once you pass them. Others cross and re-cross your life’s road time and again, giving you the opportunity to take a turn if you choose.