some dating advice

had a walk and dinner date on saturday with someone who i know from the commute, and was skeptical from the outset because of what appeared to be some tendencies to exaggerate self-accomplishments. nevertheless, the benefit of the doubt is good, even when allowing it does confirm what you thought to be true in the first place. now, since i am pretty sure this is going no further than a single date (and the occasional conversation on the ferry), i’m probably not going to get a chance to say these things to the saturday-night date in person (nor would i want to), so instead i will post them here (where he remains anonymous, and which he does not read).

since you profess to want marriage and kids pretty much immediately, here is a little advice i would give you about starting out on the right foot with a potential mate:

• do not stretch the truth about yourself to the degree that it becomes a lie, particularly in a field i actually know something about. (ie – do not call yourself a “marine biologist” when in fact you simply have an undergrad in biology. i work with marine biologists, i know something about this).
• do not assume you are smarter than me, and thus i will not catch your slight omissions and aggrandizements (ie – why tell me that a certain prof almost became your post-doc advisor when you haven’t done any doctoral work? i’m going to ask about your doctoral thesis and then it’s just going to be awkward).
• do not talk about your former career in “law enforcement” only to have me find out that you served one year as a park warden before quitting.
• do not assume also that my job is “just a job” in comparison to yours. i’ve been at my job for 6 and a half years, and it’s only partly because the pay is good – mostly it’s because i’m into what i do and good at it.
• do not give me a comparative view of sea life in the atlantic versus the pacific, when it will quickly become apparent that your understanding of pacific sea life is so dismal that you are not even aware of the presence of edible clams in the pacific (despite the fact you are a “mollusc expert). again, i know a few things about this.

most of all, recognize right off the bat that i’m pretty damned smart, not easily fooled, and not looking to be “impressed”. mostly i just want to be interested, and that means interested in your real life and knowledge, not some embellished one (yes, we all embroider our tales a little bit, but there’s a fine stitch that shouldn’t be crossed, and it’s pretty obvious where that is). i suspect if this is true for me, it’s true for lots of women out there.

terrible am i? picky? i’m not sure, but i have learned it is easier just to back away slowly than call someone on this type of shit, particularly when it happens from the get go. in any case, saturday wasn’t a total bust – he cooked me a good dinner and he’s not totally unejoyable company, but the small dishonesties made me uncomfortable enough that i ended up wanting to leave.