Red Cedar
More apocalypse, less angst
an inquiry process
what is it about anyway? is it about finding true love or job satisfaction or doing good for the world or becoming famous? i mean – what is the point of all this? is it honestly just to enjoy each day for what it is? is it to meditate and reflect on? or is it to live and act on?
can we change our fundamental natures? is it possible to be anyone other than who we were programmed to be? can we honestly unsocialize ourselves from industrial society if we were raised in it? what about abuse? what about trauma? can we ever really undo the effects of those? who designed this mess in the first place? is there any way to stop the fuckers from destroying our planet, from destroying us?
what does it mean when we start to look? what does it mean when we stop? do we ever stop? do some people ever start? how can we live in a nation where day after day people enter soul-sucking relationships with other people, with jobs, with consumable items – and yet never seem to recognize the nature of them? what does it mean that we toss lives into landfills like refuse? what other society behaves like ours?
am i as damaged as everyone else? is everyone else as damaged as me? is there any such thing as being whole? does therapy just promote a culture of narcissism? once you start analyzing yourself is there any way to stop? is this any way to get free?
is the collapse upon us, and if it was would that be a good thing? do we care anymore if it doesn’t come with a spectacle? are we resilient enough to survive? what will happen when the lights go out? would we decide to put them back on if we could? is there any way to stop someone from having all the power? can we unlearn capitalism?
am i walking on the right path? going in the right direction? who am i supposed to be? what makes me unique? what makes me special? is my life relevant? if i don’t have children does that make me less of a person? if i do have children am i not just contributing to the already over-consuming population? will i ever have a partner again? am i doing the right thing? do i sound like a lunatic when i speak? is there any way to get out? am i good?
do you wonder about these things too?
3 Comments on “an inquiry process”
Red Cedar 
do you wonder about these things too?
yup. and some other stuff.
All the time.
I was lacing up my running shoes last night, in the garage, listening to the dull roar of the gas furnace as it did battle against the 34-degree temps outdoors. I wondered about what would happen if (when?) the flow of gas stopped and there was no way to heat the house. What would happen to my family? Would we have enough warm clothes? Would we be able to survive in a post-collapse world with no electric stove, no lights, no fridge, no heat? Once we finished burning the planks from the fence, we wouldn’t have much fuel left. What then?
And that’s just the easy, tangible stuff… Searching for meaning, and wondering if everyone else is just as fucked up as I am … that’s enough to keep a mind busy for a long while. Usually my mind drifts through a lot of that stuff while I am running, but in an almost subconscious way, so that any answers – if indeed there were any – dissipate like the faded memory of dreams by the time I am done.
By asking these questions you are doing the right thing. Just imagine if you weren’t aware eought to question! I do think a lot of things you never get over entirely – for example childhood, abuse, school – but you do get better. And I did find that therapy helped me, though I also see where it could become another crutch.