Red Cedar
More apocalypse, less angst
reintegration
how long is this positive frame of mind going to last? i just don’t believe that feeling this good can sustain itself…. but maybe there are some things i can do to keep it going.
saw my naturopath last night and we discussed this… we wondered together if the homeopathic st. john’s wort she gave me for the nerve pain (teeth) two weeks ago have assisted in lifting the intermittent and mild depression that has been a feature of the past few months. i didn’t realize until yesterday that it was a st. john’s wort remedy i had been given – but it does make sense to me – other homeopathic remedies i have described in the same way… as if a switch has been flipped or a something has shifted.
i once viewed homeopathic medicine with a degree of skepticism – but over the past year i have been consistently amazed by the effectiveness of the remedies (my naturopath, btw, doesn’t tell me what she is giving me or what for a great deal of the time – which allows me to discount a psychosomatic response as the cause) . who knows – science? magic? i’m not sure really – but whatever is acting on me seems to be working.
so we talked, anyways, about the writing – about the need to write the past and how maybe i am finally ready to reintegrate *her* into *me*. that means being able to be compassionate and empathetic towards myself, examining some past from a framework of self-forgiveness. none of these things i have much practice with – but i think i’m learning…… certainly i have people in my life trying to teach me these things.
One Comment on “reintegration”
Red Cedar 
Why don’t you believe it can last? Does that just apply to you, or does it apply to everyone? Certainly there are people out there who live in a mostly good frame of mind. I think you could be one of them.
sometimes a little change how you view things can change the entire flavour of the situation. I frequently have to give myself permission to feel good about the way things are going, and to do the things i want and need to do in order to keep on that path. I try to be consciously aware of the habits that get me off-track and depressed so i can avoid that, and i try to accept and welcome the good things that i find.
maybe there’s a way you can accept your current state of mind as a natural way to be, instead of a fleeting vacation.
-pete