as simple as building a fire

so i’ve been pretty depressed all week… some combination of pain in the nerve canal of my jaw and painkillers and being in my house all alone and not feeling motivated to do much more than a little walk down to the post office. people who were supposed to come visit either flaked entirely (don’t know what happened there) or had to cancel because of the snow (entirely understandable – it has been snowing now for two and a half days) – so the reprieves from my own company i had expected didn’t come as planned leaving me pretty glum by last night.

just before bed, i worked to stave off a full-blown anxiety moment with some brief cognitive therapy and a taoist breathing exercise – both things i should have been working with all week, but i am bad at routine therapy exercises when i’m actually in need of them….

today, i decided, should be different, i should relax a bit more with this pain thing and give myself space to do what i needed…. so this morning i relaxed in bed with a new novel, got some studying done over breakfast, called a friend for a chat this afternoon, made a fire for the first time this week (i have been really lazy, thus my house has also been cold as the electric heat doesn’t do a good job), and cooked up some chili-spiced rice and beans for dinner. even though as i write this i am in some pain (ibuprofen wore off and the stuff i took with dinner hasn’t kicked in yet) – i am feeling much lighter of spirit today than i have been all week – and i’m pretty sure that the cheeriness of the fire on a snowy evening has a lot to do with it.

i also updated my ical today with a todo list and the next two months of dates – which helped me to realize that my life isn’t totally out of control and i have more time to get things done than i was telling myself on the verge of my anxiety moment last night. being someone with control issues, list-making has the power of instantly soothing me in times of despair….

oh what simple creature – a todo list, a chat with a friend, a fire and a bowl of rice and beans – i have to remember this remedy for next time.