suffering beings

i returned from victoria last night, got off the bus downtown and encountered one of the most distressed people i have come across in a long long time. he told me a story about coming to vancouver a few days before and being rolled after his first night at a bar. he was just a young guy, pretty beaten up and his foot was all bloody – his vibe was deeply upsetting to me because he just seemed so in need….

so i gave him some money from my wallet, quite a lot more than i normally give people, because all i had was one bill on me…. and he started to cry when i gave him the money and that made me feel worse because he was so upset – so i walked with him for a couple of blocks and made sure he was okay before i went to take my next bus home….

and then when i was waiting for the bus, i was angry with myself because a little voice in my head was saying – “maybe he tricked you, maybe he was just a really good actor” and so i started feeling worse about it because i had no reason to doubt this man’s story except that i live in a society that tells me not to trust anyone – especially not working and poor people. and so all the way home i was conflicted about it until i talked to my lover later on who said “even if what he told you wasn’t true, clearly he was in need of money for something, so it’s okay” and honestly, it was okay because it’s true that he (his name is robert) was extremely distressed for whatever reason.

when i got home, there was a message from an old friend of mine needing help with a letter of character reference from me in a child-custody case. and so i met him for coffee today and again, i encountered severe distress in a fellow human. i said i would write the letter and if the case goes to mediation instead of court, would act as his advocate if necessary. we hung out for most of the afternoon which was good – since i haven’t seen him for awhile and we had lots of catching up to do beyond the stress he is currently under.

i started a flour, dairy and sugar cleanse today that i expect to be on for the next month or so, no matter how difficult. i am feeling the need to purge my body of yuck while purging my home of posessions i am no longer in need of. my lover caught me a spring salmon (that’s a chinook) on the weekend, and so i plan to eat lots of brown rice, fish and greens over the next little while as it’s supposed to be very balancing food.

i haven’t quite readjusted to eating fish – i’m not sure i will be able to keep it up beyond the summer, but while i’m cleansing from all the other processed foods i’ve been pouring into my body, i’m going to try it and see whether it nourishes me in the necessary way.

back at work tomorrow which will at the very least bring respite from the heat.