Six months ago I was single – this afternoon I’ve got an appointment with a family counselor. How quickly the problem focus changes depending on the context. While it’s true that things between Brian and I are going exceptionally well on most fronts, this relationship is not without some issues – and I’ve decided that rather than being further confused by what to do I would rather talk to a professional-type person who can give me some advice.
Fortunately, my work offers free “solutions-based” counseling which is available in-person or over the phone. Convenient!
Without going into too much detail, I am really just trying to sort through what exactly I can or should expect in a relationship where there is a child and an ex-partner who need to be considered in decision-making. To me, it’s a bit like being single on an airplane – you are always the first one to be moved for the convenience of others. And while I get the practicality of that approach because I can more easily be accomodating, I don’t always want to. And then because I don’t want to, I feel selfish. And somewhat immature. And this combination does little for my overall state of well-being, not to mention triggering a whole bunch of other stuff that has nothing to do with this relationship at all (rejection-anxiety anyone?)
I should mention here that this goes on pretty much in my own head, and that Brian has been more than receptive to discussing and working through this. But I’m afraid that it’s not enough. Which means it’s time to call in the professionals. I think. It’s free anyway, so I’m doing it, and maybe I’ll even get some good advice out of the deal.
It is interesting to hear you talk of it at this angle seeing as I find myself on the other side… I’m trying to sort out how accommodating I should be, or maybe more realistically how accommodating I can be with my new love while still maintaining my responsibilities to my son, my ex husband, his new wife… Oh yeah.. and then there is my ex boyfriend and his mother… I feel a bit overwhelmed. Maybe I should go see a counsellor too. I think it’s great you are taking a proactive approach to this.. and I don’t think you should feel selfish or immature. You shouldn’t always be the one accommodating. I always think balance is the key.. Well that and extremely open communication.