I turned forty-two in February – that above is a picture of me taken by Wendy D. just prior to my birthday. I have been blogging here for almost 11 years and this is post number 2000 – which represents an awful lot of photos and written snippets over all the life changes that have happened since I started posted here not long after my 31st birthday and during a period of a lot of internal upset in my life. At this posting juncture I can say that life at the moment has a great deal of calm and accomplishments, love and relationship, security, and even a little adventure – at least on a personal front. I couldn’t speak for the world eleven years ago and I sure can’t now!
Since I’ve recently renewed my commitment around blogging, sharing snippets and photos, the occasional longer rant or two – this is not the last post by a longshot.
As Joan Didion writes in her essay, On Keeping a Notebook: “I think we are well advised to keep on nodding terms with the people we used to be, whether we find them attractive company or not. Otherwise they turn up unannounced and surprise us, come hammering on the mind’s door at 4 a.m. of a bad night and demand to know who deserted them, who betrayed them, who is going to make amends. We forget all too soon the things we thought we could never forget. We forget the loves and the betrayals alike, forget what we whispered and what we screamed, forget who we were.”
While I have also intermittently kept private notebooks, this space serves as much a record of my public selves and how they have changed overtime. And while I definitely do not find all my past attractive company, I agree that it is a mistake to pretend it didn’t exist or edit away its edges.