So. Haven’t really said much today but I’m going to share with you this – in about two hours I am meeting Brian’s daughter for the first time. Yeah. After all this time of hearing about each other we are finally going to meet (and eat Ethiopian food before going glow-in-the-dark bowling at Grandview Lanes).
I’m interested to see how it goes – though highly aware that it may take some time for this part of Brian’s life to feel a part of mine. If it feels strange to me, it must feel ten times that for her. Potential wicked stepmother and all that.
Brian assures me she is a great kid though and I believe him – not to mention the fact that she hasn’t expressed any huge reservations about meeting me. Yes, she feels a bit weird. But when Brian mentioned the plan for tonight over breakfast Wednesday, the only thing that mattered to her was that we go glow-in-the-dark bowling which strikes me as a good sign. What I think most of all is that M. trusts her father’s love which will make his integration of our lives a lot easier for her. I also know that since we met he has been taking extra care to do special things with her and have really focused time when they are together – so in general she is feeling pretty stable in her relationship with him.
The only thing that would make it better is if her mom was a bit more even at the moment – but I suppose we can’t have a perfect situation or it wouldn’t be life.
Despite the fact I’m a little nervous (no pressure right?) I am also pretty excited. Meeting M. means Brian and I can start integrating our lives a little bit more. So it’s not his life with me, and then his life with his daughter separated all the time. It means I am introducing one more special person to my life – a potentially very important one. It shows me one more piece of Brian as well, a side of him I know about but have not seen first hand – which is intriguing. This is one more part of the life that we lead together, and of course a huge symbol in our nascent relationship.
I look around at the people I know with kids, who are dating or going through blended family stuff, and while I recognize the challenges inherent, I also see its possibility, for the most part it seems to work out okay. Kids are adaptable beings of course, and when treated with respect they tend to go with the flow. My intention here is not to threaten any relationship between Brian and M., but to build a relationship with her that is ours and has its own specialness attached to it in time. (In time, in time. I know it’s not anything that comes magically.)
Expect a full report shortly. If all goes to hell, at least there is glow-in-the-dark stuff to make it fun!